HYPER NATIONALISM C JINGOISM !
To watch middle-class Indians wear their nationalism on their sleeves and hearing their insufferably proud chatter about all things Indian, makes one wonder, whether we are a nation of insecure juveniles. How else can we froth at our mouths endlessly about someone not chanting ‘Bharat Mata ki jai’? What’s really pathetic is that ideas of nationalism, instead of getting broader and liberal with higher education are only becoming narrower and sillier. It’s as if the middle-class simply has no understanding of how nationalism and an exaggerated sense of greatness have always been manipulated politically and historically for consolidating power. It is not love for country; it’s just making us willing accomplices to repression. Another undercurrent is the perpetual sense of Hindu victimhood, as if they have always been subjugated and persecuted by Muslims and Christians, who now ought to be similarly dominated. 

Indian think tank Baba Ramdev has found ‘Bharat Mata ki Jai’ the panacea for all reforms !

New Delhi. Renowned reformer and high class economist, who simplified the complex formulas of economics in such a way that any nation can achieve steep development growth if those formulas are followed, has come up with a new idea of all kind of reforms. The idea is precise and simple-‘Bharat Mata Ki Jai’. “Country is uselessly spending huge sums on judiciary, administration and policing. Moreover, the verification of beneficiaries for various services piles up the burden of exchequer”, said Baba Ramdev.

“Lets play Patriot-Patriot”

Such a sharp thought process next to Einstein, Baba possesses and having the quality of superhuman, he suggests that a true patriot can never be a lair and shall not indulge in wrong doings. All those facing court cases should be asked to recite ‘Bharat Mata Ki Jai’ and if they do so they are innocent, as simple as that. Thus, India would be able to bring the number of pending court cases to zero. Police personnel shall be in a position to establish an allegation on anybody simply asking the accused if he is ready to say ‘Bharat Mata Ki Jai’. In such way crime rates can be nullified.

A whole army of government employees engaged in verification process in taxation departments, passport offices and Adhaar card process can be reduced as no cross check would be required in case a patriot native of India declares that he has no objection in saying ‘Bharat Mata Ki Jai’. After filling this single declaration form, no further verification would be required and boundless services shall be open to patriot native of the country. Donald Trump is said to have appointed Baba as his campaign administrator and begged him to enlighten his path to secure the supreme chair of United States.

For first time, majority in Norway don’t believe in God !

For the first time ever, there are more in Norway who say they don’t believe in God than those who say they do. On top of that, there is a large group that is in doubt !

#Atheists=39%;

#Theists=37%;

#Agnostic=23%.

A new survey from the annual social-cultural study Norwegian Monitor (Norsk Monitor) shows an historic level of Norwegians who don’t believe in the existence of God, Vårt Land reported. 

 

To the question “Do you believe in God?”, 39 percent responded “no” while 37 percent said “yes”. Another 23 percent of respondents said they did not know. 

 

The survey, which was sent to 4,000 Norwegians by post, marks the first time that non-believers outnumber the religious. Two years ago, the number of believers and non-believers was equal. When the question was first asked in 1985, a full 50 percent said they believed in God while just 20 percent did not. 

व्यंग्य, 
होली के अवसर पर काला धन लेकर भारत लौटें विजय माल्या, खुफिया मिशन पर भारत सरकार ने ही भेजा था इंगलैंड !
नई दिल्ली : 9000 करोड़ की बैंक देनदारी के मामले में फरार चल रहे विजय माल्या बीती रात भारत वापिस लौट आये हैं. एयरपोर्ट पर पत्रकारों से बातचीत करते हुए माल्या ने कहा कि वह भारत से भागे नहीं थे बल्कि सरकारी खुफिया मिशन के तहत काला धन लेने इंगलैंड गए थे. 
माल्या ने बताया कि वह 2 मार्च को भारत छोड़ने के बाद दुनियाभर में घूमघूम कर इसी काले धन की रिकवरी कर रहे थे. वसूला गया ज्यादातर पैसा टाटा 407 ट्रकों में भरकर सड़क द्वारा भारत लाया जा रहा है और कुछ पैसा वह बोरों में भरकर भारत लाये हैं. सूत्रों के अनुसार जिन लोगों के बैंक खाते आधार कार्ड से जुड़े हुए हैं उन में आगामी 1 अप्रैल को सीधे 15-15 लाख जमा हो जायेंगे. विश्वस्त सूत्रों से यह भी पता चला है, विजय माल्या काले धन के साथ साथ वर्षों से इंगलैंड की महारानी के पास पड़ा कोहनूर का हीरा भी भारत लाये हैं.

SATIRICAL BREAKING NEWS,
TAGORE AND IQBAL TO BE PROSECUTED POSTHUMOUSLY FOR SEDITION !
New Delhi ;fact finding mission,headed by sanskari BJP MLA Gyandev Ahuja, among other aspects has observed that poetry of Tagore and Iqbal has one way or other motivated student community in general and JNU students in particular to follow anti nationalism in their practice and perception.After thorough investigation high power committee has pinpointed that following two poems of Tagore and Iqbal respectively were not only seditious and provocative but in gross violation to pro establishment sabhyata and sanskrit :
‪#‎Tagore‬
Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free,
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls ,
Where words come out from the depth of truth,
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection,
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way,
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit !
Where the mind is led forward by thee,
Into ever-widening thought and action ,
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake !
‪#‎Iqbal‬
Uttho meree duniyaa kay ghareebon ko jagaa do,
kaankh-e-umaraa kay dar-o-deevar hila do,
sultanee-e-jamhoor ka aata hai zamaana,
jo naqsh-e-kuhan tumko nazar aaye mita do,
jis khet say dehqaan ko mayassar no ho rozee,
us khet kay har goshaa-e-gandum ko jala do.
[Rise and get the poor of my world ready for battle,
shake the mansions of the rich till their doors and walls rattle,
comes a time for the masses to rule for sure,
rub out what is now too old and obscure,
land that does not yield enough for the tiller to eat,
burn every inch of that field,set fire to every stalk of the wheat].
‪#‎Tailpiece‬: since there is no provision of posthumous prosecution under section 124A of the Indian penal code,a committee of legal experts has been constituted to suggest methodology under which both literary giants can be cut down to size and simultaneously prosecuted for sedition.(Faking news).

कश्मीर में सत्ता हासिल करने की अब तक की कवायद ने बीजेपी के दोहरे चरित्र को ही उजागर किया है। जब उसने अपने तमाम सैद्धांतिक मूल्यों को दरकिनार कर पीडीपी से गठजोड़ किया था, तभी से गठबंधन के भविष्य को लेकर आशंकाएं गहराने लगी थीं। शपथ ग्रहण समारोह में ही दो अलग-अलग झंडे व संविधान की मौजूदगी संघ परिवार के मूल सिद्धांतों को चुनौती दे रही थी। बीजेपी के लिए भले ही यह उपलब्धि और उत्सव का माहौल रहा हो, पर स्व. श्यामा प्रसाद मुखर्जी के सपने का कश्मीर राजनीतिक समझौते का शिकार हो चुका था।

ASCENDENCE OF THEOCRACY !

Pakistani blasphemy laws carry a potential death sentence for anyone who insults Islam.Imitating Pakistan and ironically enough,now we have got Punjab Amendment Bill,2016 that seeks life imprisonment for sacrilege of the Guru Granth Sahib.Secular democratic state is supposed to keep equal distance from all religions and exhibit equal respect for religiosity with out preference and prejudice.Enacting a sacrilege law only with respect to the Guru Granth Sahib is bound to create demands for similar legislation with regard to other religions.The super sensitive issue of desecration of Sikh holy book last year in Punjab was to be settled under law and order mechanism but in order to cover administrative failure ,Akali-BJP coalition opted for populist ploy for ulterior and political interests.Interestingly ,opposition by Congress was more or less symbolic one as bill did not provide for similar punishment for disrespect to other religions-classical example of their brand of pseudo-secularism.

Pakistani blasphemy laws have not only eroded whatsoever is left of democracy but also precipitated repugnant sectarian violence mostly on the basis of flimsy and concocted background.Any way,Punjab Govt has opened a cane of worms as well as pandora box for Indian democracy and secularism,keeping in view the innumerable number of religious scriptures in every nook and corner of India. 

ACHHE DIN NOT EVEN FOR MIDDLE CLASS !

In a move that will hit the common man in general and middle class in particular,BJP government has slashed interest rates payable on small savings including Kisan Vikas Patra[KVP] and Public Provident Fund [PPF].Here are the details :-

*PPF -@8.1% instead of @ 8.7%.

*KVP-@7.8 % instead of @8.7%.

*NSC-@ 8.1 % instead of @8.5 %.

*SKANYA SAMRIDHI-@ 8.6 % instead of @9.2%.

FIXED DEPOSITS :-

*ONE YEAR SCHEME-@ 7.1% instead of @ 8.4 %.

*TWO YEAR SCHEME-@7.2% instead of @8.4%.

*THREE YEAR SCHEME-@7.4% instead of @8.4%.

*FIVE YEAR SCHEME-@ 7.9% instead of @8.5 %.

Wax Statues of Vijay Mallya and Subrata Roy to be unveiled in Madame Tussauds for their contribution to Indian Economy !

The two great competitors of the fraud industry

London. Looking at the achievements of Vijay Mallya and Subrata Roy to the traditional Indian banking system, Madame Tussauds to unveil their statue alongside Mark Zuckerberg for their achievements and contribution to the Indian economy, revolutionizing the Indian banking system.

Vijay Mallya had requested the authorities to put his statue next to the Hollywood models but due to lack of space, and introduction of new section, his statue will be carved out holding an empty Kingfisher Beer can in hand in upside down position with him trying to catch the last beer drop, sitting in an crashed F1 car.

Meanwhile, Subrata Roy will be carved in a state where others are snatching the keys of his assets by the authorities.

Finance Minister congratulated the two businessmen for their unveiling of the statues and hoped that they continue their avenues to more innovate and change the banking system.

HEINOUS CRIME :ACID ATTACK !

Acid attack is one of the most heinous acts of violence that not only causes grievous bodily hurt but also inflicts acute psychological trauma on the victim. Apart from long-term disfigurement, loss of vision and hearing, it may lead to a host of health issues, including respiratory problems in survivors. The survivors have to grapple with serious social and economic implications. Bearing the expenses of the long-term medical treatment, hospitalisation and a series of plastic surgeries, often with scant social support, make the acid attack survivors’ struggle long, difficult and painful. Ironically, the law seems perfect. In February 2013, the Indian Penal Code (IPC) was amended lending more punch to Section 326 to make it more stringent in terms of fine and jail term.

Vijay Mallya asks for Paramveer Chakra !

Following PM Narendra Modi’s statement that traders are better known to take risks than soldiers defending the borders, Vijay Mallya has  made a bold request to the government of India.

Vijay Mallya has said that he deserves a Param Vir Chakra .

Param Vir Chakra (PVC) is India’s highest military decoration awarded for the highest degree of valour or self-sacrifice.

Vijay Mallya is currently being hounded by banks to pay up all the money he owns them. He claims that instead of being despised, he should be praised and rewarded for taking bold risks. He claimed that he got into aviation sector despite it being such a loss making business and tried to do some good. He risked his life savings on it, it was the ultimate risk he took and deserves recognition for it.

RSS AND FREEDOM MOVEMENT !

Not the British,since our rulers,led by Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh ,never collectively joined a single anti-British movement.On the other hand ,its shakhas systematically preached hatred against Muslims and its members engaged in anti -Muslim riots.The British used to systematically crush all physical training centers that were remotely suspected of revolutionary conspiracies.The fact that it never bore down ob combat training in shakhas proves that no suspicion of anti-colonial activities fell on RSS.

Neither the RSS nor its political twin the Hindu Mahasabha ,was ever banned in colonial times.This is in sharp contrast to the Congress which faced relentless repression.This is also in sharp contrast to the fate of communists,who,between the inception of the party in 1925 and 1947,faced no less than five separate trials on charges of conspiracy against crown and empire.Colonialism ,therefore,was not the enemy of nation as defined at present by saffron brigade.

Government to Introduce New Mallya Cess to Recover the Money Lost by PSU Banks

New Delhi: Soon after the news of Vijay Mallya escaping the country made headlines, the central government has announced a new cess called Mallya cess to cover the losses of PSU Banks.

Vijay Mallya celebrating Mallya cess

This cess has to be paid by people drinking beer, watching IPL and Formula One, frequent flyers and people who have Kingfisher calendar subscriptions.

The money collected through this cess will be used to bail out PSU banks which dumped money in the bottomless pit aka Kingfisher Airlines. Arun Jaitley also announced that the government will now put in place strict guidelines to recover loans given to farmers and small businesses. He also said that they will seize their assets if necessary.

9PM: NATION WANTS TO KNOW AND COCK FIGHT BEGINS !
Night after night, for instance I find that pseudo-religious figures, driven mostly by their own petty interests, pecuniary, political and otherwise, masquerade as ‘experts’ on TV debates, for causes they don’t believe in.
One bearded ‘Muslim’ expert, one saffron robed ‘Hindu’ expert, one ‘RSS’ expert (for a cultural organisation they seem to have a political view on everything), one ‘anti-RSS’ expert, political representatives of all hues and the 9pm cock-fight begins. 
Ram Mandir is built, Babri Masjid is built, people are declared anti-nationals and folks are labelled fascists - all in the course of an hour debate.
‪#‎IncredibleIndeed‬