SARCASTIC SATIRE;
BREAKING NEWS;
ALL CASES AGAINST BAPU ASA RAM, BABA RAMDEV AND NARIAN SAIN WITHDRAWN !
New Delhi, September 28,2014;
Immediately after assuming power,Varendra Modi's Government ,had constituted three member fact finding committee comprising of well known Hindu nationalists,Acharya Devraj Kishore,Alok Singhal and Dr. Naveen Togadia,to ascertain the genuineness of the criminal cases,initiated against Bapu Asa Ram,Baba Ramdev and Narian Sain,by various state governments,under different clauses of criminal proceedings.After detailed fact finding investigation,the committee has unanimously exonerated all three true sons of the soil,who as a matter of fact are torch bearers of ancient divine Hindu wisdom. Vishva Hindu Parishad,Rashtriya swayam Sevak Sangh, Ramsena,Bajrangh Dal and other like minded parties have hailed the historical decision and complimented Varendra Modi Government for its bold,meaningful and purposeful initiative.
Meanwhile,experts committee has strongly recommended prosecution of all those police officers who were responsible for their wrongful confinement and subsequent prosecution.
Without commenting on the decision,Dr. Bansuri Joshi,Minister for Education and Human Resources,has disclosed that all the three stalwarts will be felicitated soon ,for their extraordinary contribution to Bhartiya Sabhyta and Sanskriti.
Most reliable sources have informed this correspondent that yet an another committee is being established,under the chairmanship of Dr.Subash Swamy to investigate possible Italian link of the frivolous charges against three most prominent contemporaneous visionaries.

A "SENSIBLE GOD" !

A sensible god, all-powerful and all-good, would have made a world for human beings with no wars, no sickness, no dishonesty, no killing, no crime, no noxious insects, no sorrow, no trouble, no worries, no earth quakes, no poison snakes, no animals nor men tearing one another to pieces. All would have been peace and quiet, happiness, and enjoyment.

The priests have built up a fabulous monster who delights in making men sinful, and then punishing them by eternal torment in hell for their so-called wrong doing. What man would want to punish his enemies forever and ever? Of course, the truth is that the original priests or religious leaders knew that there was no such thing as a god, and they built their monster on the basis of their own imaginations. The god they talk about is a god who will send to hell anyone who has the intelligence and courage not to believe in the priests' fables.

Naturally the priests want people to do as they say and the way to get them to do it is to threaten them with eternal torment after death. The priests could not demonstrate their God by having him strike unbelievers dead, so they had to reserve punishment for the atheists until after death. No one returned to say that they had not been punished, so many people were impressed by the claim that they had been sent to hell.

Any of the moronic church followers can see that good men suffer and criminals prosper on earth. So the only thing the priest could say was, "Just wait until they die, then they will suffer."

Good men can only look forward to happiness in heaven, be cause often they are robbed while alive. And the priest fills his pockets at the expense of the believing fools who want to stand on the right side of their religious leaders while alive, and of the God Demon after death.
[The case against religion].

COMBATING REGRESSIVE HINDUTAV CHALLENGE !
Secular forces should make it a battle of ideologies and not a clash of personalities

Tragically, the Congress leaders have virtually fallen in the sangh parivar’s trap of converting the ongoing elections in some states and the for the coming 2014 polls for the Lok Sabha as a clash between personalities or simply as a battle between the two political parties. Having failed so far in their nefarious designs of destroying the secular democratic foundations of the Indian state for establishing a monolithic, communal and fascist Hindu rashtra, the saffron brigade the has been playing all kinds of tricks to befool the people about its real designs. The next poll is not that of a clash of personalities or simply a matter of change of government but a clash between the two idelogies-secular democracy versus theocratic communal fascism. The Congress and other secular forcers in the country must look at the next poll battle in its right perspective and ensure that the division in their ranks should in no way help the communal fassict forces to capture the most important pillar of democracy, its legislature.

Shockingly, the parivar fascists have not only found their place in bureaucracy and other wings of the services, apart from the legislatures in large numbers but have also penetrated into the armed forces and even judiciary, the watchdog of democracy. The systematic process of such penetration into various democratic and secular institutions apart from the country’s social and political life started right after independence and more than any one it is the Congress and other secular parties which would be blamed for this kind of situation. RSS’s role in the communal holocaust in the wake of India’s partition was too well known to allow it to continue its activities in secular India. RSS, Hindu Mahasabha and some other parties which openly believed in the concept of a theocratic state and thus opposed to secularism should have no legal right to exist in a secular country.

RSS not only stands for India as a Hindu nation but also considers the minorities like Muslims, Christians and Parsis as aliens who, according to erstwhile RSS chief M.S.Golwalkar cannot be treated as citizens of India and as such should either stay as second class citizens, denied of all rights, or should be driven out. The demand for banning such organizations after independence was unfortunately not heeded by the Congress which assumed power. It was only after the assassination of Gandhiji on January 30 in 1948 that ban was imposed on RSS and a number of its leaders and activists as also V.D.Savarkar were arrested for their alleged involvement in the conspiracy to kill the father of the nation. However, succumbing to the pressure of communal forces and as a matter of political convenience the ban on RSS was removed.

The involvement of RSS and its various offsprings in the large number of communal riots since independence is an established fact. Still nothing was done by the proclaimed secular state to outlaw such organizations working for destroying the secular fabric of the country. On the contrary the RSS and its political outfit like the Jana Sangh (now BJP) could increasingly penetrate into the country’s social, political and administrative life only due to the compromising attitude of the secular parties. While the Congress adopted a soft Hindutva policy keeping in view the majority vote bank it were the parties with clear commitment for secularism and socialism which provided a kind of respectability to the RSS and its political wing.

It is a tragedy that the Congress and other secular parties have failed to understand the grave danger that the emergence of Hindutva forces and their terrorism have been posing not only to the secular character of the country but also to the very survival of India as a state. If the onward march of the Hidutva fascism is not checked there is every danger of India soon turning into a theocratic Hindu nation. This will destroy the very idea of India, its pluralistic character and the very cherished value of our freedom struggle. It’s time for secular parties to join hands and unite on a single plank of defeating the BJP and its outfits and frustrating their nefarious designs. The Congress in particular must shed its complacency, abandon its soft Hindutva approach, and launch an ideological battle against the fascist communal forces. At the same time there is need to weed out such elements from various vital organs of the state.

A PLEA FOR ATHEISM !
The "god" of theists is a ghost,infinitely attenuated and expanded,coterminous with the entire universe.Children believe in ghosts and adults with children mentality believe in "god".Every child born into the world is not a theist;theism is the result of indoctrination based on respective religions and associated religiosity.The growth of a child into a theist or an atheist has nothing to do with the existence or non existence of 'god'.
Religious belief is powerful in proportion to the want of scientific knowledge on the part of believer;the more ignorant-the more credulous and gullible.Belief in 'god' is not founded on reason.If at all we brush aside all our rational explanations and try to have a child like faith in 'god',then too there crop up questions as to what we ultimately gain in believing that 'god' exists.
Has belief in 'god' prevented man from committing crime against man ?Has the thought of 'god' made men really generous,moral and civilized?Can we claim that the faith in 'god' has preserved and enhanced the dignity of man ?Has mankind been been benefited from the belief in 'god'?The answer is an emphatic NO.
The presence of pain,misery,strife,crimes and other social evils contradicts rather than confirms the attribution of 'god' as omnipotent,omnipresent,omniscient and above all benevolent .
We in India are aware how numerous religions,professing and preaching numerous 'gods' have divided Indians into various casts and creeds.They have created communalism [communal divide],and parochialism,brought bloodshed on numerous occasions and ultimately weakened the country's solidarity.
Modern science and technology has opened its new vistas of life for universal humanity;progress and prosperity and progress lie in the best use of these by mankind himself without feeling the essentiality of believing in 'god'.
It is the appreciation of human values and proper execution of the principles of liberty,equality and fraternity in every walk of life,which alone can bring peace and progress on all fronts on this earth.'God' need not come in the picture at all.It is imperative that we demolish the old trodden beliefs and superstitions founded on the faith in numerous 'gods' and follow a new vision-a religion of man-based on reason and scientific temper.therein lies the true solace !

ऐक ब्राह्मणो का देव उठान नामक त्यौहार है । चार महीने सोने के बाद ॉऊस दीन सभी देवता जाग जायेंगे । कहने का मतलब ये है कि सभी देवता सिर्फ आठ महीने काम करते हैं और चार महीने सिर्फ और सिर्फ सोते हैं । हिन्दू मान्यताओं के अनुसार सभी देवताओं के अपने अपने अलग अलग कार्य या विभाग बंटे हुए हैं -
1. सूर्य को भी एक देवता बताया गया है । अगर देवता चार महीने सोये रहे तो सूर्य कैसे निकला ? अगर सूर्य इसी दशा में सो गया था तो फिर उसने अपनी दिशा कैसे बदली ? अगर वो पूर्व में सोया था तो पूर्व में ही रहना चाहिए था अगर वो पश्चिम में सोया था तो पश्चिम में ही रहना चाहिए थे । उसने अपनी दिशा कैसे बदली ? इन चार महीनों में दिन और रात कैसे हुए ?
2. सूर्य के बारे में कही गयी सभी बाते चंद्रमा पर भी लागू होती हैं । चंद्रमा ने अपनी दिशा और दशा कैसे बदली और दिन और रात बदलने में वो किस प्रकार सहायक हुआ जबकि वो सोया हुआ था ?
3. वायु का देवता पवन भी सोया हुआ था तो फिर इस धरती पर वायु का संचार कैसे हुआ ? पवन देव की मौजूदगी में कैसे लोगो को प्राण वायु प्राप्त हुयी और कैसे जीवन संभव हो पाया ?
4. जब देवी अन्नपूर्णा भी सो गयी तो फिर पृथ्वी पर चार महीने तक अन्न की प्राप्ति कैसे हुई ? चार महीने तक अन्न के अभाव में लोग मृत्यु को कैसे प्राप्त नहीं हुए ?
5. जल के देवता भी जब चार माह तक सोये रहे तो पृथ्वीवासियों को चार माह तक जल कहाँ से किसने उपलब्ध कराया और बिना जल के जीवन कैसे संभव हो पाया ?
6. चार महीने तक विद्या की देवी लक्ष्मी भी सोती रही फिर जबकि अभी चार महीने का समय ही विद्यालय खुले हुए को हुआ है । अगर चार महीने ( जुलाई से अक्टूबर तक ) सरस्वती सोती ही रहती है फिर विद्यालयों को जुलाई में खोलने का क्या फायदा ? जब विद्या की देवी सरस्वती ज्ञान देने के लिए ही उपलब्ध नहीं हैं तो अध्यापक कहाँ से विद्या देंगे और विद्यार्थी कहाँ से ज्ञान प्राप्त करेंगे ?
7. चार महीनों तक अग्निदेव भी पूरी तरह निद्रा में मगन रहे फिर सभी के घर अग्नि कहाँ से प्रकट हो गयी ? बिना अग्नि के मानव जीवन ठप क्यों नहीं हुआ ?
8. चार महीनों तक वरुण देव भी सोते रहे फिर भी देश के विभिन्न हिस्सों में बारिश होती रही क्यों ? यहाँ तक कि भारत के दो वनडे मैच भी बारिश के कारण रद्द करने पड़े ।
9. नौ महीने तक स्वप्न देव भी सोते रहे फिर भी शोभन सरकार जैसे साधुओं को स्वप्न आते रहे क्यों जबकि स्वप्न देव तो गहरी निद्रा में सोये हुए थे और देश का पचास लाख से अधिक रुपया बर्बाद हो गया ।
10. सभी देवता कुम्भकर्ण के छोटे भाई तो नहीं हैं जो चार महीने सोते हैं और आठ महीने जागते हैं ?

RAMAYANA- A RETELLING !MULTICULTURAL ECLECTIC VERSION !
Ramayana-a retelling,written by British Indian poet,Daljit Nagra ,just published has been short listed for the 2013 T S Eliot prize.'Modern' version of the mythological epic,has been inscribed in a mish-mash of Indian English,British English,old fashioned English,words from Hobson-Jobsan,American English,Australian English,Hinglish and Punjabi.
Rather a lot, it turns out it, in his rollicking, often rude and riveting version of an epic that is as much an instruction manual on how to live as a graphic adventure narrative of war. This is, first, not a faithful retelling but a high-octane mythology redux which makes a conscious effort to be contemporary, It uses street parlance, hybrid Punjabi and a visual onomatopoeia achieved by different fonts, styles and spellings ("BASTARRDDDDS YOOOOO ALLL SHUTTTING UPPP" represents a shout, while verses on flying spears are shaped as this weapon arching across the sky). More radical - and less gimmicky – is its crude humor and racy sexuality. There are obscenities in Punjabi; libidinous characters crave "gigolo action"; women are "totty", warriors "top dogs", while demons are "randy" or "cruising to be bruising".

Violence appears vivid, modern, almost celluloid, rather than the kind that belongs in an ancient epic. While noses and nipples are sliced off, heads speared and bodies ripped apart by arrows, great armies appear on the horizon in the same multiplying scale as Mr Smith's android army in The Matrix, and warriors have special deadly powers as imaginative as those found in The Incredibles. A monkey can shrink or grow his way out of peril; a demon's son can become invisible on the battlefield; another monkey can absorb the strength of its enemy. Meanwhile, a fireball flies through the "billion galaxies" to the battlefield with the futuristic adrenalin rush of an SF movie.
EPIC LINES :-
*"Goonda"Sita hisses at Ravana as she is being abducted and then turns to the heavens and pleads for divine intervention with a filmi "Bachao".
*Lord of underworld,with his twenty eyes,is ever watching circumambient.His ten head become their tamarind style,his ten heads from a distance are dog ugly indeed.For who on two shoulders wears ten heads ?
*Rama to Sita :"but Sita,these Raksassy,Gandharva and Arsoora do not fight by our rules."
*Ravana to Sita :"come now to my crystal bed in Lanka.Let's be getting tip-top pleasure."
His book ends ambiguously with Brahma coming down to earth and telling Rama he is Vishnu and the couple falling into profound silence,so overwhelmed are they by the pressure of being human.
It will be interesting to know,how Hindutav [Moditav] sanghthan of Saffron brigade are going to 'receive' ultra modern version of mythological epic,during forthcoming chunovee halla-gulla ???
[Media reports].

RESTAURANT CALLED THIRD FRONT LAUNCHED FOR PEOPLE WHO JUST CAN'T DECIDE WHAT TO ORDER !
New Delhi. Taking inspiration from politicians who can’t decide between Congress and BJP, a restaurant called “Third Front” has been launched for people who can’t decide between a Tandoori chicken and Barbeque chicken.
“Every restaurant gets frustrated with customers who take hours to place their order. They keep discussing among themselves – aaj Mexican try karte hain, Thai try karein kya – and finally order Hakka noodles or Paav Bhaaji,” Nitish Patnaik, chef of newly launched Third Front told Faking News.
Third Front
Logo of Third Front – promoters claim that there are two V’s visible, hence double victory assured.
“Sometimes they even ask for details of the recipe as if that’d help them decide,” the chef further revealed, “Once I tried to explain difference between cauliflower and broccoli, but it was like explaining difference between Tamil and Telugu to a Haryanvi. Just not worth it!”
“They are fundamentally confused and indecisive, and end up wasting time for everyone. It’s better if they come together at one place,” Nitish explained the rationale for Third Front, the restaurant.
The restaurant won’t have any menu at all. The customers will be just asked “veg or non-veg?” and they will be given something to eat.
“We will not let our customers feel insignificant, and hence all of them would be given ‘reserved’ tables – akin to a ‘special status’ in a normal restaurant,” disclosed Mita Banerjee, the manager of Third Front.
While the promoters of Third Front are hopeful of grand success and profitability of their venture, not many are convinced.
“Confusion is good, but it’s good to keep the customers confused rather than appear confused,” claimed Maya Yadav, promoter of a leading restaurant chain in Uttar Pradesh.[Faking news].