IF BOLLYWOOD DIRECTORS DIRECTED "DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES";

1. Karan Johar

It would be a cloyingly romantic love-triangle between Caesar, Cornelia and Koba, interspersed with some scenes wherein Caesar and Koba pretend to be gay and in love with each other.

The movie would feature a nice disco song with the three of them painting a pub red (in which Kajol would make a guest appearance as herself), followed by another song where Cornelia would set the stage on fire, decked in Manish Malhotra ape designer wear including ghungroos, choodis and payals, shaking her legs to Farah Khan’s steps.

As the story progresses, however, things would get complicated with Caesar ending up on his death bed. In a tearful climax, Caesar would unite Koba and Cornelia, requesting Koba to take good care of her.

Years later, Koba and Cornelia would give birth to a baby ape and no prizes for guessing what they’ll name him – Caesar.

Oh, and the movie will be titled “Kabhi Bandar kabhi insaan”

2. Mahesh Bhatt

First things first. The movie would be an A-rated movie, featuring a series of bold, erotic sex scenes between the newly married Cornelia and Caesar. Soon, things would go downhill with Cornelia starting an affair with Koba behind Caesar’s back.

Another set of passionate love-making scenes would follow, with one scene testing the limits of Indian censors. Finally, the story would progress with a livid Caesar confronting and killing Koba.

Unable to cope with her guilt, Cornelia would shoot herself. A distraught Caesar would follow suit, with nothing more to look forward to in life. While we’re not sure if this may be the final story or if there may be a story at all, but we can very safely confirm the sex scenes.

3. Sajid Khan

Again, deriving the story is an impossible task, but rest assured, you will see Caesar wearing a pink bra and a white skirt and dancing with Cornelia and Koba on a beach. Koba will be wearing a blouse and a towel by the way.

Caesar will don a long wig of straight hair, while Koba will put on a curly-haired, bob-cut wig. The movie will be titled “Hum Bandars.” Enough said. We do not want to add anything more.