BJP,CONGRESS COME UP WITH THEIR 10 POINT AGENDA IN RETURN FOR SUPPORT TO AAP IN DELHI ;
Congress’ conditions:
1. Arvind Kejriwal should first and foremost agree that Rahul Gandhi is the greatest genius, inspirationalest figure, brilliantest, intelligentest and youthest icon of India (sic).
2. AAP should agree that $onia Gandhi is the mother of India. In fact, since India is father of Pakistan (according to the movie Gadar), they should accept that $onia is the grand-mother of Pakistan too.
3. AAP should get used to saying ‘keeping communal forces at bay’.
4. AAP members should watch each Bharat Nirman ad with great passion, and must prove that they did, by submitting videos of AAP volunteers watching the ads enthusiastically.
5. AAP should support Food Security Bill brought by the Congress. To show the support, they can start their own Rajeev Gandhi Aamras Pilao Yojna.
6. AAP should give this slogan in 2014 elections – ‘AAP ki jhaadu Congress ke haath’
7. AAP should not object on sons-in-law being given some land at cheap prices or as a gift, especially if the son-in-law’s name starts with R and the land deals are with DLF.
8. AAP should provide details of cases going on against its members to the CBI. If the members are clean, they should first get themselves involved in some criminal/fraud cases, and then provide the details to CBI. This point is crucial for the smooth running of every Congress alliance.
9. AAP members must give their interviews or reveal inner information first to the official news channel (NDTV)
10. AAP should agree to appoint a sober, soft spoken, easily persuaded robot person* as the first Lokpal of the country.
Terms and Conditions apply; * refers to Dr. Manmohan Singh
BJP’s conditions:
1. AAP should agree that Article 377 is against Bhartiya Sanskriti and Indian values.
2. AAP should agree that the ‘Radha’ song of ‘The Student of the year’ is against Indian culture and should ban all its members from singing or humming the same.
3. AAP should agree that Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel and not Pandit Nehru was the main architect of modern India. Essays/editorials written on this subject would be appreciated.
4. AAP should promise that it will not promote dynasty politics. As proof, it should submit a signed letter by Arvind Kejriwal’s son that he will refrain from dabbling in party politics.
5. AAP should agree that it is not wrong if the drivers are made the CEO of companies, without their information, especially if the car belongs to people whose name initials are NG.
6. AAP must agree that Narendra Modi is the ideal PM candidate, Shivraj Singh Chouhan is an ideal PM back up nominee, Arun Jaitley is a suitable PM substitute material and Sushma Swaraj is the ideal PM replacement candidate.
7. In order to avoid the perception of being close to Sushmaji’s camp, Arvind Kejriwal should rename his book ‘Swaraj’ to ‘SLARMS’ which means ‘Sushma-Lalkrishna-Arun-Rajnat
8. AAP and Arvind Kejriwal should avoid the following mathematical questions at all costs:
a. 2001+1=?
b. 1001*2=?
c. 8008/4=?
d. 2014-12=?
Whenever compelled to answer these questions, he should answer with years of development in Gujarat.
9. AAP should agree that Modi wave is prevalent in India and its amplitude is proportional to Rahul Gandhi’s speeches.
10. AAP should agree that BJP will never compromise on its core objectives: Ram temple in Ayodhya, Article 370 in Kashmir and Uniform Civil Code; Just that the timelines are indefinite.
[Unreal times].
Congress’ conditions:
1. Arvind Kejriwal should first and foremost agree that Rahul Gandhi is the greatest genius, inspirationalest figure, brilliantest, intelligentest and youthest icon of India (sic).
2. AAP should agree that $onia Gandhi is the mother of India. In fact, since India is father of Pakistan (according to the movie Gadar), they should accept that $onia is the grand-mother of Pakistan too.
3. AAP should get used to saying ‘keeping communal forces at bay’.
4. AAP members should watch each Bharat Nirman ad with great passion, and must prove that they did, by submitting videos of AAP volunteers watching the ads enthusiastically.
5. AAP should support Food Security Bill brought by the Congress. To show the support, they can start their own Rajeev Gandhi Aamras Pilao Yojna.
6. AAP should give this slogan in 2014 elections – ‘AAP ki jhaadu Congress ke haath’
7. AAP should not object on sons-in-law being given some land at cheap prices or as a gift, especially if the son-in-law’s name starts with R and the land deals are with DLF.
8. AAP should provide details of cases going on against its members to the CBI. If the members are clean, they should first get themselves involved in some criminal/fraud cases, and then provide the details to CBI. This point is crucial for the smooth running of every Congress alliance.
9. AAP members must give their interviews or reveal inner information first to the official news channel (NDTV)
10. AAP should agree to appoint a sober, soft spoken, easily persuaded robot person* as the first Lokpal of the country.
Terms and Conditions apply; * refers to Dr. Manmohan Singh
BJP’s conditions:
1. AAP should agree that Article 377 is against Bhartiya Sanskriti and Indian values.
2. AAP should agree that the ‘Radha’ song of ‘The Student of the year’ is against Indian culture and should ban all its members from singing or humming the same.
3. AAP should agree that Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel and not Pandit Nehru was the main architect of modern India. Essays/editorials written on this subject would be appreciated.
4. AAP should promise that it will not promote dynasty politics. As proof, it should submit a signed letter by Arvind Kejriwal’s son that he will refrain from dabbling in party politics.
5. AAP should agree that it is not wrong if the drivers are made the CEO of companies, without their information, especially if the car belongs to people whose name initials are NG.
6. AAP must agree that Narendra Modi is the ideal PM candidate, Shivraj Singh Chouhan is an ideal PM back up nominee, Arun Jaitley is a suitable PM substitute material and Sushma Swaraj is the ideal PM replacement candidate.
7. In order to avoid the perception of being close to Sushmaji’s camp, Arvind Kejriwal should rename his book ‘Swaraj’ to ‘SLARMS’ which means ‘Sushma-Lalkrishna-Arun-Rajnat
8. AAP and Arvind Kejriwal should avoid the following mathematical questions at all costs:
a. 2001+1=?
b. 1001*2=?
c. 8008/4=?
d. 2014-12=?
Whenever compelled to answer these questions, he should answer with years of development in Gujarat.
9. AAP should agree that Modi wave is prevalent in India and its amplitude is proportional to Rahul Gandhi’s speeches.
10. AAP should agree that BJP will never compromise on its core objectives: Ram temple in Ayodhya, Article 370 in Kashmir and Uniform Civil Code; Just that the timelines are indefinite.
[Unreal times].
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